Valentimes Day is Wicked Gay...Especially if You Were at Walmart Last Night Around Midnight-ish

So I was on the phone with ITE, while walking around Walmart, trying to figure out what I was going to get my Manda for V-day. I instantly reverted back into "People Watching for Blog Fodder" mode and saw a bunch of people walking around, zombie-like with cute little things in their hands and a look on their face that said I-Haven't-Been-With-Person-Long-Enough-To-Really-Know-What-They-Like-So-I-Hope-They-Like-This.

"This" ranged from tiny red plush bears with pink hearts sewn into them, to Walmart flowers, to enourmous cardboard heart boxes full of Russell Stover's chocolate candies. For the descerning man or woman Walmart flowers are the ones that you pick up on our way to your mother's house on Sunday afternoon for brunch or for your buddies' wife when she invites you over for dinner.
Walmart flowers given as Valentines' flowers, scream; I totally forgot that Valentines' Day was going to be on the 14th of February this year, becuase it was on the 9th of April last year and everytime they change the date I never get the memo. I'm not sure who "they" are but they like throwing a wrench into the works of confused men who constantly ask themselves why the woman they're with are with them. Especially if she is way too hot for them and/or ridiculously out of their league.
I am guilty of being poor, right before V-day, thus I was unable to call a proper florist and get a custom bouquet of multi-colored carnations delivered to my sweeties' office. But I'm not guilty of even, remotely attempting to substitute a custom, delivered bouquet of multi-colored carnations, masterfully assembled by professionally trained flower jockey, with Walmart flowers. Women, as goofy as they look sometimes, can see the barely on the cusp of wilting, baby's breathe ridden bouquets of been-manhandled-and-been-sitting-in-water-too-long WALMART flowers. They'll act like they like them, by dropping the classic; "They're beautiful!" Followed by the infamous I-really-hate-this-guy nose crinkle and shoulder shrug. NICE!

I went the completely opposite direction and got her something that I knew we could share along with something thoughtful, then I replaced something for her, after she blatantly lost the ones I'd lent her. I bought her the movie; Madagascar, we can share that. I bought her some suger free chocolate covered peanuts, to show my support of her diet, and after she lost my brand-new Ipod earphones. I bought her some schnazzy new noise-cancelling ear buds for her workout adventures.

I should have posted this as a warning post because then it would have been longer and full of advice that men everywhere would print out, laminate and stick in their wallets. Sheep, you are all Sheep. Until tomorrow or later on today, Farewell.

Piece Out!